The Flip Side

Hi, all--

I just returned from a short long weekend (you know what I mean ... they're always shorter than you want them to be!) at our house in Bham. My son was down at my inlaws, so my husband and I had some nice adult time in a REAL home ... not that temporary space in Nashville. Although according to my feng shui expert friend Ellen Whitehurst, to finally sell our house I need to let go, and start thinking of it as "that living space." Hey, I'll try anything.

So we spent the weekend in that living space in Bham. And during that time, I got to talk to my mother-in-law, who was recently diagnosed as pre-diabetic. Now, the woman has been through a lot--she had breast cancer several years ago and is doing well, thank goodness. But I think she is having a really hard time dealing with the idea that she isn't as strong as she used to be. And I can certainly get that. And she has always (or since I've known her) been on the heavy side, and has at various times asked me for help. She had started walking and kept it up for a while, but quit. And now this. She was so depressed this weekend, feeling nauseated and sounding really tired and discouraged. So I am trying to help--sending her cookbooks, offering her suggestions, giving her my rah rah speech. It just so happens that I am working with a really great writer named Jon Katz on an essay about HIS diabetes problem, which, at age 60, he kicked by exercising and learning how to eat. I love Jon's take (I won't reveal much because the piece will be in the November issue of Spry). He was actually in a pretty dark place emotionally when he got the diagnosis ... but he saw it as an opportunity. It's almost as if, he says, he needed this excuse to finally get off his butt and start doing right by his body, and so he did.

I love that--I love that he just jumped on it and took charge of his own health. But as someone whose purpose in life and career is to help others find their way to good health, there's still the question: how do you get someone to flip that switch? To go from OH, NO! to OH, YES! I went through it myself ... hit my own bottom (well, you know what I mean!) and I can't get you there. I think the answer for me, anyway, is to continue to find and tell the stories of people who have turned it around, in the hopes that maybe reading those stories--mine, Jon's ... my mother-in-law's (thinking positively here)--will help someone, anyone, turn it around.

And, again, I am always looking for stories. It's amazing how many successes there are, if you only look for them. Drop me a note at lisa@formerfatgirl.com if you have one to share!

Salude!

Lisa D

The Pepper Principle

Hey, all you FFGs and Future FFGS!

First, a word from our sponsors:

I just put a little note on the home page about my appearance on Samantha Heller's Sirius Radio show on Doctor Radio tomorrow (Friday!) from 1-2 EST. If you have a Sirius subscription and want to hear me blather on ... please listen in! Also, you'll be able to call in and/or email questions. The phone # (NOT A TOLL-FREE, SO USE YOUR UNLIMITED MINUTES!) is 1-877-698-3627; email is docs@sirius-radio.com.

Just kidding ... I don't have any sponsors. Unfortunately. If I had sponsors, maybe I could just blog all day and not have to actually work ... because this is not really work for me. Too much fun to be work.

Anyway ... I have been working lately on something I call "The Pepper Principle." As you faithful blog readers know, I have been in major transition for a while now ... and as you may not know, I haven't been handling it very well. One of the reasons I have been so absent from the blog is that I've given in to that old perfectionist's flaw ... the whole thing about hiding when you're not at your best. I can't be the perfect friend, perfect employee, perfect blogger? Well, then, I'm just going to disappear. Not sure if this is just something I do or if you guys can relate. But there it is.

I have been worried about EVERYTHING. Questioning EVERYTHING. What if it wasn't right to move my family to Nashville? What if my magazine isn't everything I want it to be (or at least doesn't suck?)? What if my husband isn't happy here? What if my son hates his new school? What if my dog misses her back yard? What if Michael Phelps doesn't win gold tonight?

This isn't typical of me, really. I have moved several times in my life, but never with a family. I guess I feel like the stakes have never been higher, and that's made me even more likely to obsess about everything.

But I have been working to quiet my mind, quiet those doubts and questions that are keeping me up at night and threatening to make this time ... what should be the best time of my life ... miserable.

You know that whole thing about being "in the moment"? I have never really understood how to get there or even what that means, until lately. But I was reading a book by my friend Ali Domar, "How to be Happy Without Being Perfect," and came across this little thing about of all things, a dog. She makes the point that dogs are the perfect (! there's that word) example of being in the moment. They don't worry about what they're having for dinner, whether they're going to get to work out today, how they might have screwed up a conversation yesterday. No. They are just sitting there, taking in life, their little eyes sucking up the scene in front of them.

I thought that was interesting. And then a couple of days later, I looked at my cute little Pepper (check out her mug, above), sitting on a chair in our APARTMENT, just staring out into space. And I actually said out loud, "I wonder what she's thinking." and then I realized: SHE IS NOT THINKING ABOUT ANYTHING. There is no running commentary in her head. She's not running down the list of what she should be doing today, tonight, tomorrow, yesterday, next month, last year. She is just sitting. Waiting for the next thing. Not judging every moment as good, bad, and spinning out to the next.

And I thought, I want to be like that. I want to stop letting my expectations of this life get in the way of actually living.

That, my FFG friends, is the Pepper Principle. Whenever I start spinning, ruminating, worst-case-scenarioing, I think about Pepper's eyes. That kind of blank stare behind which there's no complicated set of machinery, twisting and turning forward and behind in time. And it's really been helping me, I have to say. Helping me move on when I screw up. Helping me not to lie awake, thinking of all the to-dos.

Anyway ... I would love to hear if you connect with this at all, or if it's just me. And if it's just me, well ... that's ok.

Thanks for reading!

Lisa D

Hi from the Land of I Don't Know!

I apologize for my unexplained absences, my impromptu hiatus, my complete and utter disappearing act for the last several months (I can't bear to look at the date of my last post for fear I will drown in the waves of guilt that I'm just barely surfing on right now). Anyway ... I want to hear all about what's up with you. But I will start with what's up with me ... as usual ... and hope that the one or two of you still out there will drop me a comment.

To keep from going on and on, I'm going to do this in a list.

The Top 10 Things I Did (and Did Not Do) on My Summer Vacation

1. I did not have a summer vacation.
2. I uprooted my family and moved them ... with the bare minimum possessions (flat-screen TV, running shoes, assorted Transformers and various other pieces of molded plastic that pass for toys for Johnny, an IPod shuffle loaded with my husband's favorite Johnny Cash tunes) ... into an APARTMENT in Nashville. I have not lived in an apartment in 25 years. Nothing against apartments, but I feel like I'm in an alternate universe.
3. I did not sell my house in Birmingham (yet), a major source of consternation.
4. I rediscovered how much I love cycling thanks to the parks and the Natchez Trace near my APARTMENT.
5. I put out the first issue ... a sneak preview mini version ... of my new magazine, Spry. And I am in the process, right now, of putting out the REAL first issue, which will be published the second week of September.
6. I realized that all that fear I've been working so hard to banish--that self-doubt, that perfectionism, that all-or-nothing thinking--was just waiting here, under the surface, for the smallest opening to emerge. And that it has the potential of undoing this dream ... the dream of having my own magazine, of making the most of a platform where I can spread the message of positive, inspirational healthy living to 9 million people (!). BUT ONLY IF I LET IT.
7. I got lost going to and from work almost every day for three weeks after I moved to Nashville. (And still do, some days.)
8. I re-experienced the power of It's Not an Option. As in ... INO to give up and go home, to Bham. INO to let my perfectionism close my mind to input and criticism. INO to not speak my mind when I need to, seek clarity when things are fuzzy, push the issue, ask questions, risk looking like the fool or the bitch or the trouble-maker.
9. I reconnected with my husband. This move has not been easy, no, but it is bringing us together in a way that we really needed. We're talking more than ever, cooperating more than ever. We're more of a team than we have been in a long time.
10. I figured out how important friends are in my life ... my "running friends" in Birmingham, in particular. I miss my little group so much ... even though I was barely coherent during our 5 a.m. runs, they were always there for me, a great sounding board. I am not the easiest person to get close to ... I am always holding a piece of myself back--a bigger piece with some people than with others. So it is not easy for me to replace friends. All I can do now is be myself, let my true self shine, with all of its flaws and imperfections, and see what (and who) that brings to me.

So ... that's what's up with me. The short version, anyway.

I do want you to know that I am launching Spryliving.com, a companion site to Spry magazine. It is up and running in betaish form right now. I would LOVE it if my FFG friends would follow me there. One of the things I'm trying to do with Spry is help people achieve good health for a good life--health, as you all surely know, is not an end in itself. It's what allows us to reach for what we really want in life--it's the platform from which we can spring forward, take a leap of faith, and chase the dreams that we've always had inside.

On the site, we're launching something called the Dream It, Do It Diary. Here's the idea: You sign up, and choose a dream: have you always wanted to play guitar? Do ballet? Take a trip to the Andes? Walk a 5K? Lose a bit of weight? Anyway, choose from the menu of dream categories, and you'll have your own little diary on the site. You'll be able to update daily (if not more often) and get comments from others who share your dream.

I'm counting on you guys to make the Dream It Do It Diary break all kinds of traffic records!

I promise I will post soon ... see you on Spryliving.com.

Lisa D

Wish You Were Here

Hi, everyone!

I am writing from deep in the heart of I Don't Know, on the precipice of The Scary Thing, somewhere east-northeast of Reinvention. It isn't my first time here, but it's been a while.

It's also been a while since I have written. You know, it's hard for me to admit this ... as much as I preach against perfection and for reality, I still tend to hide when I'm out of sorts ... or sorting out. It's like I know that I Don't Know is where I need to be ... I am just still afraid of not seeming so damn SURE of myself all of the time. Even to you, my FFG friends.

Anyway, I want to tell you first that reading the guest book brings tears to my eyes. It astonishes me every day that more and more women are claiming what is rightly theirs ... their health, their time, their bodies, their power and confidence ... and that I might have something to do with it. Little ordinary me. It shows me every day that massive change is possible, even on a grand scale, if we just take some chances. Because (like I said in the book)--if I can do it, anyone can.

I am rambling a bit (so what's new?), but I just can't tell you how much your posts mean to me ... that I am somehow making a difference. I am hearing your stories of real change, and am so grateful for them.

Back to the point already!

So ... the actual, physical locale I'm writing from is Nashville Tennessee, soon to be my new home. I am moving here to be editor of a new magazine called Spry ... that's launching in September.

Spry is a monthly magazine distributed in newspapers to 9 million people! That's the same number of copies of Elvis's Christmas Album ever sold, and tops Michael Jackson's Bad by a rather embarrassing million!

So what the heck is Spry about? Living every day better than the last. Seeing life ... and age ... as an opportunity, an adventure (not as an endurance race). It's about the glass-half-full, the new door opening, the next phase of our lives where we have the confidence, the power and the wherewithal to explore new things, to reach new goals ... to live the life we have always wanted.

Yes, it's about health and wellness and fitness and nutrition and all that, mostly for women ages 35-64 (but hey, I know you youngsters and "maturesters" will love it too!). But it's also about inspiration ... being inspired to take healthier actions in your life, and reading inspiring stories about women who are achieving, bouncing back, taking risks ... and helping others to do so.

For me, it's a chance to create my own thing from scratch and to reach a bigger platform than I ever have before. I am so excited about it ... but it is a huge risk and responsibility. Selling a house (have you HEARD about the current real estate market?). Starting a magazine. Moving a family (son, husband, dog). Moving away from family (my inlaws). No one ever said I had perfect timing.

But this IS the year of I Don't Know, right? I am trying to remember that, as wonder where we will be for the summer ... when Johnny is out of school ...

Anyway, I wanted to let you all know about my new thing. I promise I won't abandon you ... and I'm hoping I'm more connected than I have been over the last several months.

Also, I am looking for stories about women who are what you think of as Spry: someone who has reached a life goal (like ... losing weight? hint, hint), someone who has conquered a health issue, or started a charity, or just looks damn great for her age (and makes us all wonder how she does it!). Tell me about all the Spry women in your life (or maybe it's you!)!

Love you, all of you wonderful friends--

Lisa D

The Scary Thing!

Hi, FFGs and Future FFGs--

I have been neglecting you. You know, I think as much as I vow to blog shorter and more often, this is what it is and I am what I am: not a short/sweet/frequent blogger. Believe me, I think about it ... and you ... all the time. The solution may be to do a vlog or an audio blog, because by god, I could talk your ears off about all things FFG. (The only danger: that you would get sick of me. I am a firm believer in the "absence makes the heart grow fonder" aka law of supply and demand thing.)

I have a million things on my mind, but I have to make a choice. So here it is.

I have to say I am sucked in to "Dancing With the Stars." (Please, please don't click that little red box with the X in it ... yet, anyway!) I do think of myself as somewhat hip and cool for my age, but I know this puts that illusion in major jeopardy. But who can resist watching such an odd, disparate group of people do ANYTHING, let alone cha cha, rhumba, crunk (the hip-hop version of the Viennese Walz), and tango. This season is an embarrassment of riches in that respect. I mean, Priscilla Presley and the guy from Police Academy? How strange can you get?

Part of the attraction could be that I, in fact, love dancing. I actually took ballroom dance classes in the early 90s (I was firmly rooted in the un-comfort zone!). My partner was a guy who now has a talk show on Fox News ... I won't tell who because he may skewer me on air! We were co-workers, and I had a little crush on him. NOT because he was any good at dancing, mind you. He had completely no rhythm whatsoever.

I also dabbled in something called contra dance, and used to go to swing dances in Philly with a girlfriend of mine. That was totally fun. Then, soon after I moved to Birmingham, I was at a festival hosted by the magazine I was working for at the time. We had hired a Cajun band for entertainment, and a cute guy asked me to dance. That cute guy is now Mr. FFG. And no, we don't dance much any more but I am lobbying for it!

Anyway ... back to Dancing With the Stars. So the other night, the audience voted out Adam Carolla, a comedian who I have to say I don't really find all that funny. He didn't do much to endear himself to the audience, either, especially when he called the female judge the "b" word on live tv (hey, hey--this is a family show!).

And, he was about as graceful as Herman Munster on the dance floor. I don't deny anyone the right to get out and dance, even if they stink at it. I, as you know, am ALL ABOUT trying ... and fight a daily battle against the perfectionism that threatens to keep me, and all FFGs and Future FFGs, frozen in fear. But the rules of the game say somebody has to go, and last night, that was Adam.

Why am I blathering on about this? Here's the point. This guy said something at the end of the show, his final words before he left the ballroom forever, that really stuck with me. It was pure FFG. He looked at the camera and said (paraphrasing): "Hey, America. I know everyone can't be on Dancing With the Stars. But if there's something out there that scares you, go for it. Do the scary thing."

Wow.

I wrote about that in my book. How the things that most scare me are the ones that, in the end, have the most potential for making me happy (ok, except maybe pit vipers). It has been true, time and time again. And I needed to hear that (from Adam Carolla, no less) yesterday, because I'm kind of in a scary transitional place again in my life. (What, you are saying? AGAIN?)

I won't go into details now. But I have committed to a new venture and am doing my usual thing ... having that morning-after OH SH**! reaction. The what-have-I-done-I-can't-do-this-i'm-not-as-good-at-[fill in the blank]-as-they-think-and-what-if-they-find-out? thing.

I am flat-out scared.

This has happened before. Indeed, it happens every time I take a leap. I should be prepared for it, but no. I need ADAM CAROLLA to remind me that the scary path is the right path. But hey, I'll take it--it just tells me that the right messages can come from anywhere ... billboards, fortune cookies, Dancing With the Stars, even blogs.

I tried to find the clip from Adam on You Tube to post here. If anyone does a better job of searching than me, please post! And ... tell me all about your scary things. I want to hear!

Lisa D

I Give UP!

I know lots of you have come to expect messages of hope, inspiration, motivation from this FFG. But today, I may not deliver. See ... I've got a confession to make (tis the season for fessing up for Catholic girls like me).

I quit.

The other day, I went to a Pilates class. Now, I have done Pilates before, and, while I don't buy the idea that there is one perfect workout out there that will transform our bodies ... Pilates comes pretty close. The couple of times that I have done it with any consistency, I can see and feel the changes in my body so fast ... it's amazing. Talk about your total-body toning. And those of you who have back problems should check it out (after talking to your doc).

I'm not saying Pilates is easy. Just the opposite. (In fact, what makes it less than perfect is that it's so damn hard!) I have seen it bring big, strapping football player-types to tears (on second thought, maybe that was sweat).

So, I go to this class, despite the fact that I was EXHAUSTED. Not merely tired, which is my usual state, but an empty shell. A deflated balloon. As listless as the most overcooked strand of spaghetti you have ever stomached. (I think you get the picture.) So what do I do? I go anyway. It's rare that I have the TIME to go, but I was off that day, so I thought, to h*** with what my body's saying ... I'm going anyway.

And it was a disaster.

I felt like crap the whole time. I struggled to do even the most simple pose. I could feel my back cramping, my neck aching, and finally, I just quit. I walked out.
But I didn't WIMP out. I did what my body was screaming for me to do ... give it a rest.

One of my issues as a Former Fat Girl is knowing what I NEED at any given time. It was a problem back when I was heavy, when it was more important to take care of everyone else's needs before my own, and it is a problem now. The challenge now is that it takes different forms. Back then, I NEEDED to get off my butt and get to Pilates, to drown out that whiner in my head who wanted me to quit, to use INO (It's Not an Option) to keep me true to my workouts, true to myself. But it is a BALANCE. Sometimes that little voice inside your head isn't the whiner, it's the voice of reason. It's the voice telling you that the healthiest thing to do for yourself is to take a freakin' nap.

How do you know what path to follow? How do you know when you need to push yourself, or ease off?

I have no easy answer. All I can say is that I KNOW. I know what I need, deep inside, even though sometimes I have to dig for it. Even though sometimes I mistake the whiner for the voice of reason ... and vice versa. Part of the trick is to find that quiet place in your head, away from the "noise" of life and all its demands and preconceptions of who you are, where you are comfortable with your most secret thoughts and desires. And then to use that place as your base of operations, the place where you make all your decisions, big and small. I try to get to that place as much as possible ... even envision what it would look like, and see myself sitting there. (Mine looks a little like a room I was lucky enough to stay in at the Mandarin Oriental in New York ...!)

And the other thing is, when you get it wrong, to forgive yourself and move on. I have gotten much better at this over the years (it must be all the practice I've had!), but still, it is work for this recovering perfectionist.

Like I said at the beginning--maybe this isn't the most inspirational message this FFG has to pass on. But it is honest. And I think it's important for you all to know that there isn't some switch I have flipped in my head that makes balance a no-brainer. It is an ongoing conversation, a daily, hourly, minute-by-minute process. Part of getting to that FFG place is recognizing this, accepting it, and embracing it.

Stay strong in your journey!

Lisa D

Former Fat Celebrities

Dear FFGs and Future FFGs--

So maybe you have been reading the news about Kirstie Alley quitting (or getting fired from?) Jenny Craig. You know the backstory: Kirstie, who had a show called Fat Actress (never saw it), signed on as the JC spokesmodel in an effort to lose weight. I think she lost something like 70 pounds (same as me), and flaunted it on Oprah in a bikini.

Now there are reports that she's quitting Jenny to start her own weight loss thing. Or if you believe the National Enquirer, which I noticed (how can you not?) at the checkout lane in the grocery store Sunday, she was fired for gaining the weight back. In true NE style, they had a horribly unflattering photo of her on the cover of their "expose" story.

Who knows if it's an old photo, a new photo, whatever? And who, in fact, really CARES?

Sure, Kirstie put herself out there, and it was a great professional move for her. It kept people talking about her for a good long while (3 years?). It also really did get her to lose the weight she wanted to lose, and hopefully come away with some sense of what works for her and what doesn't weight loss-wise. Maybe she did/will gain the weight back, or at least some of it. Jenny is, after all, one of those plans that has you eating "unreal" food in an "unreal" world. So when you stop ... when you start going to parties, or eating out, or traveling, or just trying to live like the rest of us do surrounded by all kinds of temptation, how do you cope?

I have no idea if Kirstie exercises, if she has mantras, if she has any ways of mentally coping beyond the sort of forced portion control that is at the heart of the Jenny plan. I hope she does. One powerful stimulus is the fact that she so very publicly lost the weight--so hopefully, that will help her keep it off too. I have to say that I have joked to people that there's nothing like the pressure of "coming out" as a Former Fat Girl to keep you on a weight loss plan.

But even if she does gain it all back, as I did so many times along my journey, it's not wasted effort. I know it is hard to believe when you're in it, but I know that with every attempt to lose the weight, get healthy, start exercising--success or non-success (i will not use the f-word!)--I learned something about myself. What made it harder, what made it easier, which foods I could live without, which fitness routines I absolutely couldn't stand. And all of that knowledge helped me, in the end, become an FFG.

I have blogged a bit before about forgiveness, about our need to give ourselves a break when we don't meet our goals. If we truly believe this is a journey, a process, that should make it easier to look at our stumbles as lessons that will make us stronger and smarter when we wake up tomorrow. Know that I still struggle with this, too, in all aspects of my life. I struggle to get past every less-than-perfect moment in my life ... every lapse of memory (yesterday, I forgot to fill Johnny's water bottle to take to school), every slip of the tongue (so, I called a new colleague Darrel instead of Darin on the phone ... so what?), every inadequacy (too many examples to mention here). Every extra slice of pizza ... sneaky bite of chocolate ... fingerful of icing. It's almost a physical process to shut out the urge to dwell, overanalyze, relive these little moments. Sometimes, I visualize myself pushing closed the door to a huge vault, shutting myself off from those super-self-critical thoughts. It's another INO moment: It's Not an Option to obsess.

Anyway, that's what I'm thinking about today.

Lisa D